(Updated 1/4/2026)
Jasmine awoke with an emotional swirl of various thoughts. The contents, a spinning body of blended emotions gyrated about inside of her.
She stopped herself, paused…. it was something different; a new feeling she had no words to fully describe it.
Jasmine paused…. Her hands rested just over her thighs, dangling outward, loosely facing the ceiling she began to look up at.
As her body grew stilled, she processed this feeling that swam around slowly. This was a feeling she’d not yet noticed within her range of emotional awareness. Jasmine had a vast understanding of feelings, she’d met with therapists who’d instructed her on ways to identify the outbursts that used to pop up and surprise even young Jasmine.
Her briefcase of emotions was somewhat pregnant with volatile explosions upon first entering this facility. The ranging emotions took time to cease and she had a growing awareness of her self that often escaped most young people, even her peers who similarly matured quickly.
She knew how to stop in a moment and look within her depths, how to hold herself mannequin still through these moments of inward observation.
She also knew that Mr. Paul was smart when he insisted that she, “write down everything …. What you feel, think…”.
She journaled what she felt, realizing how her feelings unexpectedly jumped out of her like the fish she had pointed to when walking by the pond near her and her mother’s old apartment. That pond was often referred to by young Jasmine as the lake. Those days found their way to Jasmine’s journal as they sent her memory stores erupting with moments she’d lose herself in.
Like the memory of her and her mom walking along the pond together….
She’d raise her right pointer finger while her dainty left fingers gripped the textured skin of her mother’s well worked right hand. Looking back now she understood that her mother was often -unavailable, even when walking together with her precious baby girl.
Now in this moment…. Jasmine sat up.
Something was gnawing at Jasmine, this felt different. This feeling matched the overcast weather of the platinum grey clouds that hung in her view on this early Friday morning. This early hour brought with it an image of something Jasmine had dreamed of, these types of dreams had surfaced on a few occasions. This image was coupled with a unique tinge of hope. Jasmine could feel this sense of possibility that began to call out to her.
She noticed possibility, she noticed optimism even. This morning had a tiny, microscopic sliver of a future that had evaded her realm of what she had previously counted out. She was seeing something new, something actually possible.
This future film like scene was now swimming about inside a thought-blend that danced in her on this brand new, just-now-beginning-Friday that was forming.
Friday was looking to present itself for young Jazz.
Something came over, overtook her, something awoke in the still youthful, spirited body of Jasmine. What was this? …it was alive, it was teeming with excitement at -this moment.
Jasmine began to see the outline of a future family, a life that she’d not yet experienced but one that she could easily, often hope for, one that she could now envision.
“Wow!” …
She almost said it aloud but held onto this whispered expression. The muffled wow was Jasmine’s awe, a newfound awe, she loved it.
As she laid still, she began to visualize herself with this -family. A family of caring, loving, loyal, dependable, real, actual ‘family members’. She nearly doubted if she was even worthy of this dream, her and the word family had not yet paired or grown up together… ….
nonetheless she enjoyed these thoughts immensely. Jasmine was dazzled by this entire fantasy, this surreal dream-like experience was cerebrally inspired but she enjoyed and relished in these delightful moments.
She wanted a family that would never vanish. This family would be held together by a strong, unbreakable fabric, a tie that would hold -forever. This family she imagined was an indestructible force of committed, bonded, true-teammates. This unit would not be placed together by a mere string, this family was held in place by a rope that would hold these caring individuals together through -everything. Jasmine wanted this so badly, she wanted nothing more….
Nothing more… than -this. This family was everything.
This family moved, lived, laughed, loved – this family was – together.
Jasmine LOVED this thought and she’d hold on to it like a charm, she’d squeeze this cherished thought until it burst…. Or ….
Until ….. until it was realized.
Then….
As Jasmine imagined her future family she let out her quintessential, all-releasing, fully audible, somewhat healing…..
unwavering, untethered —. …
A bridal-less release…
Her signature sigh, …. “….ahhhhhhhhhhbbbb…..”
She released, then, as she reached back…
~she touched the wall behind her, she shook her head knowing that she was still a third awake, dazed yet waking to find more of what she’d feel on this new calendar morning.
Day-Dreaming of a life that was still a long, not yet visible time from now.
… “aaaaahhhhhhhh,” …. She released again.
Looking back up to the ceiling ….
& noticing slight rustling of bedsheets that indicated to her, ‘the girls’ (her roommates) were now awake.
Philip Dane 